Yullen One Shots
by CrescentMoonTenshi
Summary: Ch.5: Watashi wa Anata o Mitsukeru made; Their journey was a little rough, but Kanda had spent way too many sleepless nights to give up now. He'd keep going until they found that idiot for sure. He just hoped he'd hold on until he got there. Major manga spoilers. Yullen.
1. Jibun o Han'ei

**YOS.1**

** Hi, I'm CrescentMoonTenshi, but I just go by Crescent T. I've been on FanFiction three years now, but this is my first time writing D. Gray-Man. Is it fair to say that I don't think I'll disappoint? XD**

** Warnings: Slight Yullen. I am writing more about Allen, but no Yullen fangirl can resist putting Kanda somewhere in their story. XD **

***Mana's date of death is not certain, so I'm going to say that Allen mourns for him on his birthday, since that's the day Mana adopted him. K?**

* * *

**Chapter Name: Jibun o han'ei**

* * *

**Normal POV**

The Black Order was in a rush, with people scurrying around the large structure carrying boxes of tinsel and ornaments. They were only a few days away from Christmas, and there were still a few decorations left to be hung in the halls (boughs of holly, if you catch my drift), cafeteria (snowflakes hanging from the ceiling to make a winter wonderland), and around the work offices to give the employees a little more cheer.

All of them knew that they couldn't go home to see their families... being cheerful at _home_ was the best they could do as Exorcists.

However, there were a few Exorcists who refused to participate in any festivities whatsoever. Among them were Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker. Their friends, Lenalee Lee and Lavi Bookman Jr., understood that Kanda was a heartless ice demon and could not possibly comprehend the warm feelings of love during Christmas. It was Allen Walker they were worried about.

The whitette never seemed so depressed.

Allen Walker, known for his bottomless pit of a stomach, had hardly touched any food at all over the week, worrying all of his friends and Jerryy. He never seemed to be paying attention, his eyes distant and long gone, reflecting a type of pain that many did not understand. Those chromium pools swirled with something akin to defeat and deep thought. Allen also seemed to be sighing often, letting out puffs of air through those lips that made his shoulders slump.

The teen had plastered a smile on his face whenever his friends asked what was wrong. Lenalee and once taken an ice cold cola and touched it against his cheek before handing it to him and smiling. "They say that if you keep sighing, you'll sigh away all of your happiness." She had warned gently.

Allen had given her his most bitter sweet and weary smile, coming close to revealing what was bothering him. If it weren't for the interruption a Finder had made asking Lenalee for advice on a decoration, everyone would know what was going on.

The teen had retreated to his room after that, hiding away until Christmas was, hopefully, over. Allen quickly stepped out of his uniform and into a dark pair of slacks and a black, form-fitting tee. The shirt had a deep v-neck, and short sleeves that allowed him to move around freely. His hair was also tied in a low ponytail at the nape of his neck, the bangs framing his face remaining free. He sat on the window seat in his room, leaning his head against the cool glass as he watched the scenery below him. One knee was propped up and an arm slung over it, his eyes going half lidded.

He had always wondered why Mana had decided to take him in from that circus. He was beaten in front of the crowds of people because of his 'demon arm' for entertainment. What part of his ugly form had captured Mana's attention? Oh, he knew he had changed now, and so he valued himself a bit more, but back then, he remembered, he had had one of the vilest tongues and dirty language. "Red" had been a street urchin, picking up his native tongue from around the London streets of poverty. It was no surprise that a few words that children should not know were mixed up in there.

Allen sighed wistfully, the small puff of air fogging the cold glass. It had not snowed yet outside, only rained, and for his own comfort, he had left the lights off.

Timcanpy fluttered his wings noisily in the corner, remaining a source of comfort to his charge. Allen turned his head to the big golden ball and smiled once reassuringly before turning back to the window.

Oh, he remembered. He knew he had gone through something of a personality change when Mana died, and he knew full well that it was the Fourteenth inside of him. His adoptive Uncle Neah, that is, if he wanted to consider himself Mana's adoptive son, was slowly changing him into a new person. It made him wonder if he was being who he was supposed to be, or if he was under the Fourteenth's control the whole time.

Lightening flashed in the sky, and for a moment, in the blue light reflecting off of the window's glass, he could see the Fourteenth standing behind him.

Allen avoided the man's stare calmly and returned to his thoughts.

Were his decisions his own? Or were they Neah's? Was he walking the path he carved for himself? Or was he walking the one Neah had prepared for him? These questions, and many others, lurked inside his heart, slowly constricting it with fear whenever a fork in the road appeared before him.

Allen let out a small, pained chuckle at his own thoughts.

Really, he knew he shouldn't be moping around during the bright Christmas and worrying everyone. He knew that this was not walking forward.

But it didn't matter right now.

All that mattered was the fact that the birthday Mana had given him was sneaking up on him. He would finally be another year older. Another year of fighting was still ahead. However, there was that little ray hope that the war would end this year, and that the Fourteenth would leave him alone.

Still however, that coined the question; would he still be the same after the Fourteenth disappeared? _Would_ he ever disappear?

Allen smiled bitterly as the rain that pattered against his window calmed and became a gentle snowfall. It was less than five minutes later that he heard a roar of cheers coming from below.

They had been hoping for a white Christmas.

Allen opened his window, sticking a hand out to catch the snowflakes falling from the sky. The crystallized water only took a moment to melt away, even with his obsidian colored hand. It kinda reminded him of his moments with Mana.

Short, sweet, and then gone, but always remembered.

* * *

"We need to talk to Komui." Lavi stated, passing through the entrance to his office with Lenalee, even though Reever warned them that he had fallen asleep.

"It's okay." Lenalee reassured him, holding up her tray of coffee. "I'll help him stay awake so he can listen."

Reever's lips thinned into a line as he thought. They had been up late for the past few days rushing to finish all of their work before Christmas came along, and had finally finished only an hour ago. Everyone was knocked out across their desks, on the floor, on the couch; it really didn't matter, as long as they could sleep.

Reever was the last to sleep, throwing blankets over his subordinates and removing the goggles and glasses that were still on their faces. He was about to go into Komui's office and toss one on him when both Lavi and Lenalee came in with worried expressions, demanding to talk to their Supervisor.

The captain let them through, but stayed in the room, warning the teens not to take too long.

"We won't~!" Lavi sang cheerfully, bouncing over to their supervisor. He took in a large breath and yelled for the man to wake up, watching as he shot up like a scared feline and released a girly shriek.

"Lavi-kun~," The man complained, collapsing back onto his desk. "Why are you screaming at me?"

Lenalee took this as a chance to step forward and place the cup of coffee in front of his nose. "Nii-san, we have a problem."

At the sound of his dear sister's voice, the man straightened up and went in for the hug. "Lenalee-chan~!" He cried, stretching his arms out wide for her.

The girl stepped aside, avoiding her older brother with a huff. "Nii-san," She began in a hard tone. "Be more serious please! We think Allen's in trouble!"

"The Moyashi's in trouble?" Kanda suddenly ducked under Reever's arm attempting to keep him from entering the room, a stack of papers in his arms. He strolled up to Komui's cluttered desk, his gait smooth and swift. "Che," The samurai scoffed. "Who the hell gives a damn?"

Lenalee turned around, her hands on her hips. "We do! It's Allen we're talking about! _Allen_!" She emphasized his name as though it explained everything. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed anything _different_ about him lately!"

Kanda's brows furrowed a bit as he took a breath in through his teeth, making a 'twhoo' sound. "Come to think of it, the idiot hasn't been pushing me out of the way in line when I try to order soba." He grunted. "These are the last mission's reports by the way." Kanda explained, pointing to the large stack of papers. Komui deflated.

"Woah," Lavi's eyes widened in awe as he stared at the dark haired teen. "Yuu actually noticed something! He does care!"

"Shut the hell up, baka usagi!" Kanda smacked the idiot upside the head.

Lavi put his hands to his head. "Ow! You're being violent, Yuu!" The redhead exclaimed.

Kanda's aura immediately darkened even further and he glared holes through Lavi. Slowly, threateningly, he unsheathed Mugen and put the black blade to the rabbit's throat. "Don't you ever let me hear you call me by my _first name_," He said the two words in English, "Or I'll cut your tongue out and _gut_ you."

Lenalee suddenly pushed the two apart. "Okay! No fighting! Geez, Kanda, are you just taking all of your pent up anger on Lavi instead of Allen-kun?"

The two tumbled away from each other. "Who the hell cares about that damn Moyashi? Not me."

Lenalee pursed her lips disapprovingly at Kanda as he sulked and turned to her older brother. "Nii-san, we just want to know what's wrong with Allen. We figured you would know since you're not breaking his door down for information."

Komui straightened up, his demeanor becoming serious. He avoided all of their eyes as he complemented Allen's current situation. He knew for a fact that it was _that person_ he was mourning right now. The violette just didn't know if he should explain. It was looking into the three pairs of stormy eyes that changed his mind.

Komui sighed. "Allen is... in a mourning period right now." He explained briefly. "It's best to just leave him alone for now."

"Mourning? The Moyashi?" Surprisingly, it was Kanda who echoed the question in their minds.

"Who passed?" Lavi questioned bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest and shifting his weight onto one leg.

Lenalee made a disapproving sound in the back of her throat and glared at the fiery redhead, watching as he shot her an apologetic glance and then sweatdropped.

Komui pursed his lips. "It's not really my place to say," he began. "If you really want to know, you'll have to ask him yourself." The chief answered seriously, his tone firm.

Lenalee frowned as her brows furrowed. She knew there were no more answers here. She sighed. "Let's go, Lavi-kun." She turned on her heel and left the room, Lavi trailing behind her.

Kanda stayed behind to discuss the reports.

* * *

The next evening was Christmas Eve, and Allen's mood seemed to have plummeted even further downhill. In fact, he was skipping his meals and rarely leaving his room. It frustrated Howard Link, who had to stand by at his door like an idiot to complete his orders.

The blonde had tried several times to coax the teen out of his room to at least eat, but it was in vain.

When the whitette finally left his room, the sun was kissing the hillsides goodbye.

Link followed him like a silent shadow. He had been waiting for a chance to demand why the teen was behaving strangely, but having seen his face, the blonde frowned and remained silent.

Their destination was, surprisingly, the training room.

Link took the chance to speak. "Why come here, Walker?" He knew it wasn't unusual for him to come to the training room, but considering his recent attitude...

Allen glanced at him over his shoulder. "I thought it'd be great to have something to do to take my mind off some things, is all." He replied smoothly.

The shadow took to the benches to watch as Allen began his usual routine. The whitette stood in the midst of wooden poles with arms that stuck out dangerously. Each time he hit one, the pole would revolve and he'd have another attack to block or evade.

Then there was the body strengthening; basic workouts that activated the muscles in the key points of his body, such as the core, arms, and legs.

His shadow watched with bored eyes until there was a break in routine. Allen was walking over to where giant bouncy balls were grouped in a corner, most likely used for stretches. The blonde had noticed how the teen had been eyeing the balls all of his practice.

Allen suddenly rolled one out into the center of the training room, which was open space. He then took a smaller, second ball and stacked it on top, holding it in place. The teen reached into his pockets and pulled out, surprisingly, beanbag balls. Link stared.

The whitette suddenly jumped up, expertly landing on the balls with one leg and balancing as the balls rolled around. The teen took a moment or two of balancing crookedly before plastering a grin on his face and beginning to juggle the beanbag balls with one hand, and then switching to both hands.

Link's eyebrows could not rise any higher.

Suddenly, the beanbag balls were tucked back into his pockets, and the teen jumped into the air, flipped, and landed on the balls with one hand, his other stretched out away from his body.

"What the fuck?!" Came an exclamation, and Link looked over to the training room's entrance, finding one Kanda Yuu and Lavi Bookman Jr. in the doorway.

Allen suddenly lost his concentration and the smaller ball rolled off of the bigger one, taking Allen with it. There was a quiet yelp and a loud 'thud' as his body flopped onto the floor. Link winced at the sickening crack he heard as Allen's head made contact with the hardwood flooring.

"Allen!" Lavi exclaimed, concerned when the whitette did not get back up. He rushed forward, and Kanda followed at a slower pace.

"Are you alright?" Link asked as he crouched over his splayed form.

Allen pursed his lips. "I think I hit my head too hard. Kanda has red hair and Lavi has four eyes. Haha, Link, you have four spots!" He chuckled weakly.

The three of them looked at each other in concern.

"You think he should visit the infirmary?" Lavi cocked his head to the side as he helped his junior up.

"Let's give it a little time. If he feels the same later, I'll take him." Link replied, grabbing the teen's other arm and hauling him up.

"What were you doing anyway?" Kanda crossed his arms over his chest, as though he was unhappy about being dragged into this mess. "Yoga?" He bit sarcastically.

Allen kept his head in his hands and eyes screwed shut. "Just practicing," He replied, massaging his scalp. Then he added quietly, "Mana said not to get rusty. He thought it would come in handy if I was ever travelling alone and needed money." He mumbled absentmindedly.

Link's eyes widened. As his shadow, he had gone directly to Komui and pulled Allen's file, reading what he could on the teen's past and his recent activities. Komui had filled in the rest; bits and pieces of memories Allen had shared with him.

The blonde slapped his forehead. "How did I possibly forget?" He groaned, hanging his head in shame.

Lavi turned his curious eyes to the shadow. "Forget what?"

Link twisted his body to face the teen on the bench. "Tomorrow... it's your birthday, isn't it, Walker?"

Allen slowly lifted his head and turned it to his right, where Link was sitting. He nodded once, sighing tiredly and closing his eyes.

"No way," Lavi exclaimed. "Your birthday is tomorrow, Allen?! Why didn't you tell anyone?"

The whitette felt his throat constrict and a lump form inside.

"It's the birthday Mana Walker, elder brother of the Fourteenth, gave to him. The day Mana Walker took him in off the streets." Link said slowly, examining the teen before him for any reactions.

Allen shot up off the bench, body tense, as though he was going to punch the wall behind him. Lavi and Kanda jumped away on instinct. Then pain flashed through his face and he abruptly sat back down, nerves singing. He sighed and rubbed his knees, gripping the material of his pants once before standing again. The teen abruptly began pacing.

"Ha...haha..." Allen chuckled bitterly. "Can you believe it? Out of all the street urchins around him, he had to choose me. Me, the child who harbors the Fourteenth Noah inside of him. Isn't that crazy? This world is huge! How did it manage to happen that the Fourteenth would find Mana all over again? Haha..." Allen felt his chest constrict. "Not only that, but Mana was insane? Ha... haha... that's really funny, Master. There's no way someone would keep telling a dog to 'keep walking forward.' No way someone would spend all of their hard earned money to buy a dog clothing and a mitten to hide a disfigured arm."

Allen let out more chuckles. "I mean, even if you're insane you'd know the difference between treating a dog like a dog and treating a child like a child." He frowned. "Sure, Allen was the name of the dog Mana walked around with, but even he knew the dog was dead! I watched him prepare to bury him that day!" Allen ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I know all about it. I knew it was kinda weird that Mana suddenly started calling me 'Allen' instead of 'Red' like everyone else, but I brushed that aside. I didn't want to go by 'Red' for the rest of my life anyway; that was the name of my past self."

Allen paused in his pacing. "Ha, why didn't I think it was weird when Master took me in after I made Mana into an akuma and killed him myself, that my entire personality changed? The Fourteenth's been inside of me since that time, slowly eating away at the person I was at birth and changing me into someone like Mana."

All three of the spectators watched with wide eyes as their friend, ally, and charge exploded, his bottled up emotions and thoughts erupting like an uncontrollable volcano.

"Isn't it weird that the language Mana taught me is-" Allen clamped his mouth shut with a hand and whirled to face Link. "Never mind, forget I said anything, please." Allen grimaced.

Link's eyes narrowed dangerously as he stepped forward. "What language, Walker?"

Allen stepped back as his shadow got closer, attempting to intimidate him with their difference in height.

"Fuck off, CROW." Kanda suddenly stepped in between them. Lavi watched as a blanket of tension dropped around all three of them. "Obviously, he doesn't want to talk."

"K-Kanda..." Allen muttered in surprise, an idea suddenly igniting in his mind. "Link, I was talking about Japanese. Mana taught me Japanese, since we hung around Japan after leaving England."

"Then why did you stop talking?" Link demanded, taking a step back but never letting his gaze slip away from Kanda's.

"I didn't want Kanda to know...?" The excuse seemed weak even to him, but he quickly mended it. "Because I never told him why I knew what 'Moyashi' meant, even though he's always badgering me about it."

Link eyed them both suspiciously. "As far as I knew, Sister-Complex, Lenalee, and I were the only Asians in the branch that could understand Chinese and Japanese. Imagine my surprise when a weak looking Moyashi like him knew that I was calling him a 'bean sprout.'"

The blonde considered this and cocked his head to the side, nodding his head in approval. It wasn't that he believed their story, it was just that it was quite plausible and... he could feel his heartstrings being tugged. Even though he knew it was his duty to report any changes in Walker, this was a more... _private_ matter.

Link stepped back with a gentle smile. "Alright," he surrendered.

Allen sighed deeply.

"Way to help out, Baka Usagi." Kanda bit out sarcastically.

Lavi raised his brows and pointed to himself. "Observer, remember? It's kinda hard to break out of habit."

Kanda and Allen rolled their eyes in sync. "Thanks, Kanda, I owe you one." He murmured quietly as Link returned to his spot on the benches. "By the way, what are you two doing here?"

Kanda crossed his arms. "Che." He scoffed, suddenly remembering his reason for coming. "I came to do my usual training. That Baka Usagi over there decided to tag along because he's annoying and no one actually likes him."

Lavi felt a stab of pain in his heart and let a hand flutter dramatically to his chest. "Ouch, Yuu, you're killing me over here!"

Allen hurriedly stepped in before the samurai could whip out Mugen and kill the redhead. "Well, don't let us stop you! Hahaha..." he trailed off nervously. "I'll just take Lavi over here to the other side of the training hall and try a little light sparring or something... get him out of your hair, you know?" Allen grabbed Lavi's arm and was already dragging the guy away as Kanda silently fumed.

When they were a safe distance away, Allen sighed in relief. "The concern for your own safety..." The whitette stared at his friend with disbelief. "You lost it a long time ago, I think." Lavi grinned sheepishly in response.

And with that, the two boys began sparring.

* * *

Needless to say, Allen was feeling much more cheerful by the time he and Lavi were finished. Both Exorcists were evenly matched when it came to reflexes, and their sparring had been more of a skin only fight.

It was when Lavi stopped all of a sudden and grinned devilishly that Allen paused in his attack. "What's up?"

The fiery redhead turned his bright green eyed stare to his partner. "Say, Allen? Have you ever meditated before?"

Chromium eyes widened at the implications. "Ohhh NO. Nope, nope, nope! I am not going in there!" Allen very nearly wailed in despair. "Lavi, unlike you, I _want_ to live another day!"

Of course, it was too late. The scheming redhead had already grasped his arm and was dragging him over to where he had seen Kanda disappear to. "Oh c'mon, don't be a wimp. What? Are you afraid of sitting quietly next to Yu?"

Allen crinkled his nose as though he had just smelt something foul. "No, of course not. I've just never been one to sit quietly for so long."

Lavi slid open the shoji door that led to the room Kanda usually meditated in for a few hours. It had been constructed like a Japanese room just for him and Lenalee. Komui knew the first would put it to better use than the latter, but it helped anyway since he didn't want his Lenalee spending so much time with the samurai.

One slate colored eye cracked open to analyze the newcomers and immediately a vein popped in the owner's forehead. "What are you doing here?" He demanded calmly.

"Oh nothing," Lavi sang. "Just thought we should meditate with you once in a while, is all."

Kanda took in a deep breath, knowing that the rabbit had quoted Lenalee when "Adolf Hitler" had first arrived. He wanted to whack him in the head for it.

Allen admired the styled room that was covered in gorgeous reds and oranges and yellows. His eyes finally found the one wall that was covered in mirrors for posture amendment purposes, and flinched.

He barely bit back a gasp as the Fourteenth stood behind him in and Lavi in the doorway from what he could see in the reflection. Allen discreetly turned his head to look over his shoulder as Lavi bickered with Kanda, found nothing, and then turned back to the mirror. He was still there in that strange, scribbled in form.

The teen walked forward, mesmerized. _That's twice in one week..._ he thought absentmindedly, igniting a worry that the Noah was getting stronger. It wasn't the first time he had appeared in a reflected surface, but the first time he had shown himself more than once a month or so.

_That guise... it's really creepy you know? It makes me remember how I almost died by the hands of Tykki Mikk and visited that realm. _Allen glided over to the mirror swiftly, putting a hand to the reflective glass. He watched as the Noah did so too, grinning devilishly at him.

_Would you rather see me as your Uncle Neah? _The reflection spoke.

Allen felt his heart stop as the voice echoed around the room, but neither Kanda nor Lavi reacted to it. Hesitantly, Allen pretended to meditate next to Kanda, who was in the middle. _It would make it easier to talk, so yes...? _He replied hesitantly, his demeanor shifting into a serious one. _How are you talking to me outside of the Ark?_

He watched as the reflection morphed into the dark skinned Neah Walker he knew. The person smiled somewhat cheerfully. _When you weaken, I grow stronger, Allen. That is why you should eat and sleep properly. Watch your health._

Allen felt his heart roaring in his ears as he somewhat nervously continued making contact with the Noah.

_Why are you talking to me? Come to taunt me?_

Oddly enough, Neah had taken the spot on his right that was empty in the mirror. On his left was Kanda, and at the end was Lavi. He could also feel Link's presence outside of the door.

_No, not really... or maybe you could think of it that way. I came to warn you. _

_ About what?_

_ Your time is running out, Allen. Soon enough, I will be strong enough to completely take control of our body. You will be chained inside of your own conscious, as I have been all these years, and will have to watch as your own body disobeys your will. _Neah smiled, though his eyes shone with pity and his eyebrows crinkled almost worriedly.

Allen rested his head in his left hand, smiling crookedly. _'Our' body? This is my body, Neah. I will kill myself before you take over, and hopefully, we'll both return to Mana._

Neah leaned back and raised his brows. _Really, now? I can't say I'm not surprised at your resolve. But... _He smiled at Allen pitifully again. _Mana never loved you, Allen. He loved _me_ so much that he didn't know what to do without me and mistook you for his dead _dog_._

Allen couldn't help the hitch in his breath as he gasped and shot up in pure rage, startling his friends. **"That's not true!"**He roared, shocking Kanda, Lavi, and Link as his fist flew and made contact with the mirror in front of him. The glass shattered under his fist, the crack immediately spreading like a spider web across the previously smooth surface.

"OI!" Kanda snapped.

Neah merely grinned, returning to his other form once more. He now showed up in all of the glass shards, as though Allen was looking at him through a kaleidoscope.

He laughed. _How can you be so sure, Allen? What could Mana ever love in someone like you? _The Fourteenth suddenly filled in the entire wall, leaning forward so that only his black face showed in the mirror. Allen very nearly fell to the floor trying to scramble away.

_Remember Allen, your time is ticking. _

With that, the Noah disappeared, leaving a shocked Lavi, Link, and an enraged Kanda behind to deal with Allen.

"What the fucking hell?!" Kanda demanded, taking a step towards the whitette.

Allen couldn't push any words of apology from his mouth instead watching in mild surprise as the ground rushed up to meet him.

* * *

He wavered in and out of the dream realm, hearing slurred voices, and then falling asleep again. In the dream world, he could hear Mana talking to him a soothing, hushed tone. Then he was suddenly reliving his memories.

_Ah..._He thought hazily. _This nightmare again?_

They were walking along the road, their clown show finally over. It was time to move onto the next city.

It was when they were crossing the street that Allen heard the familiar clicking of horse hooves on the road. Out of curiosity, he turned his head from where he was at Mana's side, leaning backwards to see behind his tall frame.

That carriage wasn't stopping.

Allen felt his blood freeze in his veins and the world hush into silence. His ears rang as Mana turned his head too late and quickly pushed his companion aside, taking the carriage unto himself.

"Allen!"

"Mana!" He cried, his voice cracking in sorrow and leaving him as he shot up.

He had been lying down in what looked like the infirmary. Komui was snoozing in a chair on his right, arms crossed and chin tucking into his chest.

Allen put a hand to his forehead. He had woken up before the dream ended. Usually, he would have to relive meeting the Earl and turning Mana into and akuma before his very eyes, no matter how much he fought his disobeying body. He chuckled bitterly, ripping the IV out of his arm and standing on shaky legs. From the window to his left, he could see that it was evening and still snowing. The whitette smiled and moved to the chair at the window, leaning his head on the cool glass and watching the white fluff slowly trail downwards.

And he began humming the song Mana left for him.

_If Mana's telling me that accepting my role this way is walking forward, then I'll do it. If it's what Mana wants, I'll do it._

* * *

Komui woke soon after and gently scolded him for starving himself and worrying everyone. It was half-hearted because he could see that the silverette was back on his feet.

The Chief couldn't help the smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth.

"And," Komui finished. "Happy birthday, Allen-kun,"

The teen tilted his head to the side and smiled his sweetest, most angelic smile, taking Komui's breath away.

Maybe birthdays at home wouldn't be so bad anymore.

* * *

As festivities went on into the night, Allen watched from the corners and the walls, where the others didn't wander too much.

Once in a while, someone would come by and offer him a drink, and he'd take it, just to seem busy. As long as he had a glass in his hand, no one would have an excuse to approach him anymore.

The night wore on slowly, and soon enough he was able to escape while his drunken acquaintances partied on. He found himself in the quiet and empty training room again. The teen moved on autopilot, his mind far away as the familiar movements on body training calmed him.

Suddenly, a wooden pole came at him from his left, but he was too slow to react. Allen braced himself for the hit, screwing his eyes shut.

The pole very gently hit him in the temple, and Allen opened his eyes curiously.

There was Kanda with an annoyed expression, a hand on one of the other poles to slow down the hit.

"K-Kanda...?" Allen blinked, pushing the pole away from his face, even though his body told him not to move.

"Che." The samurai scoffed. "Why aren't you in the cafeteria using that disgusting appetite to wolf down the Christmas feast?"

Allen averted his gaze a bit uncomfortably. Kanda always made him feel like he did something wrong and was about to get reprimanded for it. "I... uh...,"

Kanda pursed his lips in annoyance as he watched the silverette flounder for an excuse. "Come on, Baka Moyashi," he demanded gruffly, turning away and sashaying towards the exit. Surprisingly, his hair was left to cascade over his shoulders and down his back. It swished sexily as he sauntered away from him, bringing attention to his ass. "Everyone's waiting for you."

Allen had to take a moment to grasp at whatever self control he had left and actually _look up_ at the samurai. Dumbly, he managed a confused expression. "For me? Why?"

Kanda merely smirked, his electrifying slate eyes gleaming as though he could tell _exactly_ what the bean sprout in front of him was thinking. He opened the doors and disappeared, leaving Allen with no answer.

As though he was hypnotized, Allen followed the enchanting samurai in curiosity and in attraction.

* * *

The teen found himself in the cafeteria a few moments later, barely having seen Kanda except for the tips of his hair as he turned corners. It was like a curtain of midnight blue silk was teasing him, taunting him, in a 'come hither' motion.

Strangely enough however, Allen found that the doors to the cafeteria were left closed instead of open as usual. Almost uncertainly, the teenager pushed the double doors open and stared in stunned confusion.

Suddenly, the cafeteria's lights were flicked on, and the room became brightly lit. Exclamations of 'surprise' and 'Merry Christmas' echoed all around him. He was certain he had even heard a 'happy birthday' somewhere in there.

Allen blinked to adjust his eyes to the bright lights and was stunned at what he saw.

He was positive everyone he knew was stuffed into the room, all of them grinning at him as he stared at them in open shock. Looking up, a silver banner was stretched tightly across the room, reading 'Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas, Allen Walker!' in blue script.

"Wha-What's all this?" He choked out almost breathlessly.

"Congratulations, Allen," Lenalee began cheerfully. She stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by several others. Exorcists, Scientists, Finders, and Cooks alike all stood in the room, for once participating in something equally. "Congrats on surviving another year!" Lenalee cheered.

"We hope that you'll continue lending us your powers in the battles that lie ahead." Komui grinned, standing behind her.

"And that you'll keep up your healthy appetite~!" Jerryy screamed from somewhere in the crowd. Chuckles rumbled through the group.

"That you'll always keep smiling," Lavi pitched in.

"That you'll always be our kind hero," Toma the Finder gently added.

"That you'll always be supporting us," Krory and Miranda chimed in cheerfully.

"That you'll keep being us coffee!" Came an exclamation from the scientists. "With Lenalee-chan!"

More chuckles.

"That you'll always come home." Came Kanda's quiet addition. His smoldering eyes and intense gaze locked with Allen's for but a moment before the group spoke again.

"And that you'll _keep walking forward!"_ They all screeched at the top of their lungs happily.

Allen stood visibly erect, as though he had been electrocuted in his very spot. His eyes looked as though they were going to either roll into the back of his head or drop out of their sockets. Both out of shock. His mouth had long since dropped to the floor.

"You're going to catch flies, Baka Moyashi," Kanda said as his closest friends approached him.

"Wh-Why would you...?" His voice caught in his throat as he locked eyes with Lenalee and Lavi, whom he suspected were the culprits behind this fiasco.

Kanda rolled his eyes in annoyance and began to explain. "Obviously because they-" Lenalee cleared her throat loudly and sent him a glare. And to Allen's extreme surprise, Kanda actually flushed, a bright pink dusting his cheeks. "Well, because _we_..." He trailed off, crossing his arms and averting his gaze. His pride would not allow him to utter another word.

Lenalee rolled her eyes as though she was completely exasperated with Kanda's behavior. "We did it because we wanted you to cheer up, Allen." She said gently. "We all know how important your foster father was to you, but you can't keep letting the past push you down during this time of year. In fact, we should be sick of hearing you talk about him all the time during this month, instead of worriedly wondering when you're coming down to eat." Allen stared. "My point is, we just wish you would open up to us more and share your pain with us. We're your family now, Allen, and this is home. If you can't talk to us, then who else?" She stepped forward and gathered him into her arms, tightly embracing him into a bone crushing hug.

"We all love you very much, Allen, so lean on us a little more, would ya?" Lavi grinned, also hugging him.

Before Allen knew it, they were all squishing him into a giant group hug, people like Marie and Miranda and Bookman all included!

Lenalee cleared her throat loudly again, and Allen noticed that Kanda was the only person not in the hug.

"Come on, Yuu," Lavi sang. "Too prideful and embarrassed to join in on a group hug?" He openly mocked.

Is Lavi still drunk from drinking earlier when the party was more of a Christmas thing than a birthday party? The answer is uncertain.

The samurai let a vein pop in his forehead as he snarled, pushing through the group and right into the middle to chop off Lavi's head. However, he found himself squished right into Allen and away from Lavi when Komui pushed in to protect his dear sister from "man handlers."

Kanda stared awkwardly at the silver eyed Moyashi in front of him and Allen stared bashfully back.

Lenalee pursed her lips and glared at the samurai. "It's a hugging moment, Kanda. _Hugging_." She emphasized. "So put your arms around him."

Kanda made a disgusted face and awkwardly put his arms around the Moyashi's waist, tugging him closer to his body so that they were connected at the hip. Allen went baboon-butt red as he struggled not to pay attention to where BaKanda's knee was dangerously close to.

"I'm only doing this because that woman's been around me long enough to know how to annoy me more than Usagi to get what she wants." Kanda purred in Japanese, attempting to obscure his words from Lenalee by using another language and turning his head away.

Turning his head away meant burying it into the crook of Allen's shoulder.

"I understand." Allen murmured back after a moment of shock.

Kanda's voice took 'sexy purring' to a whole new level of desire when he spoke in his native tongue. His voice was deeper and smooth, almost like silk. It made the hair on the back on his next stand and a shiver scramble up his spine.

"It's not really a big deal, anyway." Allen murmured back in his second native tongue, trying to make Kanda more comfortable as people left the hug little by little.

Kanda remained silent but removed his arms, slowly unwinding them from around the whitette's waist.

Allen couldn't help but mourn the loss and feel alarm at his own feelings.

Soon enough, the silverette was set free and able to breathe again in the new air. He went around eating to make Jerryy happy and entertaining anyone who stopped him while he wandered around. Eventually, it returned to being the Christmas party it was an hour or so before he left to the training room. His friends returned to being the drunks they were before magically becoming sober enough to congratulate him so sweetly.

The exhausted silverette escaped to the sanctuary of his own room, the door being left wide open as he rushed inside. He felt the desperate urge to see the painting he had representing Mana hanging in his room. The one with a grinning and chained clown carrying a heavy box. Behind the clown was a crescent moon, glowing an eerie yellow color, and he walked a path.

Allen put a hand to the painting looking up to it almost pleadingly. "I'm sorry I was so stupid, Mana. You probably would've scolded me every Christmas that had passed since you died if you were here to see me." Allen chuckled remorsefully. "You would've told me over and over again that I wasn't walking forward like I promised I would that night." He paused, not sure what else to say. "I... um... I think I found one, Mana. A real home. It took this long for it to sink in, and I was using the term so lightly every time, but I realize now..." Allen grinned as tears finally streamed down his cheeks. "I realize that I have a family and home, now."

"And even if becoming your 'Allen' was chosen for me, I'm glad it led me home."

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**End Chapter: Reflection of Myself**

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**WOHOOOO! ALL DONE! I swear this is the longest one shot I have ever written but I wanted it to pack a real punch, you know? Do me a favor a review please? I'd like some feedback before I update again. Hopefully soon.**

** Next chapter: **_**Furikaette Miruto; **_**Who would've thought that time could pass by so slowly but so quickly at the same time? Before I knew it, my curse had spread down my arm, and I could no longer hide it.**

** See you soon~!**

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**~Crescent T.**


	2. Furikaette miruto

**YOS.2**

**Thanks for all the favorites and follows. It's appreciated. :D **

**This one is based on a picture I saw somewhere on Pintrest. Allen was crying on Kanda, who's shirt was ripped open to reveal that his tattoo had grown even farther. I think Lenalee was standing in the picture too, but I might be wrong. If anyone has seen this picture, please send me the link!**

**I hope you enjoy this installment too. After this chapter, things will be shorter, and less serious. XD**

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**Chapter: Furikaette miruto**

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**Normal POV**

He wasn't really sure why he had let himself be pushed so far over the edge. The Noah, Tykki Mikk, just seemed to do that to him every time they exchanged blows. He was beyond infuriating, constantly teasing him and going into insane laughter.

It made his toes curl and a vein pop in his forehead.

Kanda opened his eyes from the serene calm of his meditation session, his thoughts now breaking his concentration. The room was in tip top shape, if you didn't count the mirror that was broken a few months ago. In fact, he was able to open up the shoji doors to the garden he took care of himself. It allowed fresh air to sweep through the room and calmed his nerves.

The spring air helped cleanse his already soiled soul.

The blunette put a hand over his left shoulder, where he knew his...mark, for lack of better word, had stretched even further. Half a year ago, he hadn't minded throwing on his muscle shirt and the mark peeking out just a bit, but now he knew that people would just be fucking annoying and bitch at him about it.

The black tattoo had spiraled down his arm and across his left rib cage, even going to lick across his back like flames, stopping at his spinal cord. It covered his left side.

Komui had made a racket when he returned with that.

"It was Tykki Mikk and another, tall man in a top hat," He said that day. "They were trying to take our party down because of all of the Innocence we had."

Somehow, a jackpot of Innocence had remained hidden in a sacred temple in a small, remote village. The townsfolk had spent many centuries praying to the temple and sacrificing animals for prosperity and wealth.

The village had flourished under the power of the Innocence.

However, the deities of the temple had come to life, taking human children from their homes and sacrificing them on the steps of the temple.

Kanda and his team had been sent out to recover the Innocence, which they believed was no more than two pieces. However, just as the Innocence was removed from within the deity statues, Tykki Mikk and another Noah had appeared with a group of akuma, ready to ambush them and the _six pieces of Innocence recovered._

The blunette loved beating the shit out of Komui later on for missing such a massive amount.

Needless to say, Kanda had fought tooth and nail to defend the Innocence. As a result, most of the Finders on his team were killed, but the Innocence was kept safe. He had unlocked _Ascending Flower (Shouka) _and _Forbidden Spell: Triple Illusion (Sangenshiki), _which drew power from his life force. Fortunately, he had managed to severely wound Mikk so that...Shitty, or whatever his name is, was the only Noah left. However, fighting the Noah proved to be difficult since he had no idea what exactly the man's ability was.

When he had finally discerned it, he was already in the middle of _Fourth Illusion Style (Yongenshiki), _which helped him also severely wound Shitty too.

If it weren't for Road, who had quickly rescued her family with her dimensional abilities, the two would be chopped up and in the laboratory for inspection. Probably in test tubes.

Kanda assumed that he wouldn't be hearing about those Noah on the field for a while yet.

When the samurai woke up next from the battle, he discovered that he had collapsed and that Lenalee, who had been sent for back up quite late, had found him. He was already in the infirmary, awakening as he felt the burning sensation he dreaded so crawl over his skin.

The blunette had shot up, surprising Komui who was watching over him. He began grasping at his mark, watching in mild horror as the black lines slowly contracted, crawled, and then stretched over his skin.

"Kanda..." Komui began, reaching a hand out to touch the teen with a worried expression. "Y-You didn't...!"

Stormy slate colored eyes avoided violet ones.

Then Komui sucked the story out of him, and Kanda demanded that his mark be kept a secret from the others. Reluctantly, the man agreed.

Kanda lied down on his side, propping his head up with his arm and closing his eyes in thought.

He never took baths with others anymore (not that he really did that anyway... people would have to be there before him). Never wore sleeves longer than his elbow (because he had something else to cover his forearms), no matter the temperature. He avoided all questions and gave no answers.

He had completely secluded himself all over again, just as he was beginning to open up to others.

Suddenly, footsteps stopped in front of his door, and he cracked open an eye to see what the problem was. "...What are you doing here, Moyashi?"

"It's Allen, BaKanda," The silverette answered automatically. He shifted his weight, bringing attention to the long glass he had in his hands. "I'm repairing the mirror today, since there's nothing better to do."

Kanda sat up as Allen closed the shoji doors, watching as the silverette glided over to the spider web like mirror. He stared at it for a long, long time, eyes stormy and unclear.

"Has..." Kanda began quietly, gently catching Allen's attention. "Has he made another appearance recently?"

The silverette refused to meet his gaze in the mirror, appearing to wonder whether or not to talk about his topic with him. He cast a nervous glance to the thin shoji doors behind him.

"Has he appeared recently?" Kanda asked again, this time in Japanese to assure some privacy.

Allen's eyes widened with something akin to surprise and relief. The teen began to slowly take down the mirror on the wall, thinking of a way to answer his question. "When Tykki almost killed me and destroyed my Innocence," he began, surprising Kanda. "I found myself in an In Between." Chromium eyes locked with slate through glass. "That is, a place between the realm of the living and the realm of the dead."

Kanda turned to face the teen, his expression of mild fascination and interest. "The sky was blue, and a giant crescent moon was there. And there was a pond too, but when I looked into the water, the sky was scarlet, and the moon black. There were ruins of a building... or maybe multiple. Lenalee sat on one of them, crying, and an Exorcist was resting his head in her lap. Maybe they were dead, I'm not sure, but I knew I had to find out why Lenalee was crying." Allen took in a deep breath almost nervously. "So I went into the pond."

Kanda felt a vein pop. "Baka Moyashi, that's like a scene in a horror movie right before the monster comes out with a chainsaw and kills the person. When everyone's screaming, 'don't go in there!' and all that shit."

Allen chuckled bitterly. "A horror movie scene... that about describes what it turned out to be." He swallowed before starting on removing the plastic layer in the mirror that held the mirror together. "Just as I was about to enter the water, he stopped me in that strange guise."

"Guise?" Kanda questioned.

"Like he was a scribbled in cartoon." Allen nodded. "His face was completely black except for a shark tooth grin and white circles for eyes." He described. "He came out of the water, and spoke to me just as the lake began to freeze over. Then he pushed me away, locking himself and Lenalee under the ice." Allen frowned.

"That was the first time I met Neah."

"And?" Kanda prompted.

"He appeared to me again in the Ark, this time in the room of the Fourteenth, as my reflection. He explained how to move the Ark, and that I was the only one who could do it. That was the second time we met."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I never told you what happened in here." He answered. "I owe you an explanation since this is your training room."

Kanda pursed his lips, remaining silent. Allen took that as a prompt to keep explaining.

"The day Lavi dragged me in here to meditate with you, Neah showed up in the mirror. In fact, he was there the second I stepped into the room. It was the strangest thing. He was there in the mirror, but if I looked around in the room, he wasn't physically there." Allen frowned deeply. "It was like a scene right out of a horror story." He joked. Kanda gave him a look. "He told me that when I get weaker, he grows stronger, so I shouldn't starve myself and not sleep like I was doing."

"Neah used to only show up in reflections for a very brief amount of time. They were few and far in between. I'd see him about... maybe once a month or so...?" Allen stripped the rest of the mirror off the wall, revealing an unpainted section of it. "Cheap." He commented before beginning to set the new one in its place. "Anyways, at that time, Neah had appeared to me twice in one week: once for only a second when lightning flashed in my window, and the second time in that mirror." Allen pointed to the shattered glass lying on a sheet of flimsy plastic to protect the floor from glass shards and for easy clean up.

"So why'd you punch the goddamn mirror?" Kanda raised an elegant brow, which mismatched his rough Japanese.

Allen had the grace to look guilty for a moment. "That was the first time he talked to me outside the Ark and in a reflection like that. I was beyond surprised. He began provoking me, and I told him to fuck off because he says this body is 'ours.'" Allen spat out the word like it was poison. "Then I told him that I'd kill myself before he got a chance to take my body from me, and that maybe that way we'd both get to see Mana again."

Allen swallowed thickly and took a long moment to start speaking again. "The bastard started rubbing it in my face that Mana had gone insane because he was killed, and mistook me for his dog. He asked how Mana could ever love someone like me, and..." Allen sat down, leaning his head against the mirrors and tiredly closing his eyes. "I didn't have an answer." He admitted quietly with a sigh.

Kanda gave him a moment of peace. "And after that?" He prompted, his speech a bit more gentle.

"Neah has started showing up _everywhere_." The teen ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly. "At the end of dark halls, around corners, in my dreams... hell, he even showed up in my soup once!"

Kanda blinked. "Was that the day you dumped your soup on Usagi?"

Allen flushed. "I was surprised, okay?!" he nearly yelled, clearly embarrassed. "I just looked down into my soup and there he was, so I threw it. Lavi just somehow managed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Which was under your soup bowl as it went flying in the air?" Kanda asked dryly.

Allen ignored him. "The guy's acting crazy! He knows I hate it when he appears before me in that scribble-ly form, but he does it just to rile me up and then goes and apologizes. 'Oh, I forgot,' he says." Allen made a pitying face and threw his tenor toned voice down a couple pitches. "'This form is just easier to walk around in' he says. Well then, don't fucking show up in the first place!" Allen hammered a nail into the wall with a decisive bang.

Kanda couldn't help the smirk that stretched over his features. "Anger issues much, Baka Moyashi?"

"It's Allen, BaKanda!" Allen bit back. "And don't act like you're one to talk. Besides, you should try harboring another person inside of you."

Kanda's smirk became razor sharp. "Women do it all the time, don't they? It's called pregnancy."

Allen flushed scarlet. "I'm not pregnant, Kanda! I'm a _male_, thank you very much!"

"Oh really?" The samurai began. "With your short height and wimpy attitude, I wasn't sure."

"Then I guess that proves how much of an idiot you are, BaKanda!"

"Or maybe it proves how similar you are to a bean sprout? So much that I couldn't tell what you were?" Kanda remained calm, unlike Allen who was beginning to get angrier and angrier.

The silverette suddenly froze, staring blankly into the mirrors. He stood erect and ramrod straight, as though he had been electrocuted. His eyes narrowed and became stormy as he slowly allowed his tense body to unwind. Silently, he went back to putting up the other mirror.

"Moyashi," Kanda questioned softly, his unheard question clear to them.

"He's standing in the mirror," Allen replied calmly, as though he was discussing the weather with Kanda. The whitette finally finished with the mirror and sat down next to the samurai. "And grinning like a maniac."

"Which one," Kanda growled out softly.

Allen shot him a surprised and questioning glance. "He's in the second to last one on the left...?"

Kanda swiftly stood and strode to the mirror, crossing his arms and seemingly glaring at his own reflection. "Get out." He snarled, his voice a low growl. "This is a sacred room. Cursed ones do not belong here."

Allen pursed his lips, his eyes traveling from Neah and then to Kanda. Neah winked at him before morphing into his true form. "Wow, he's certainly one to talk. I can smell his curse from here."

The whitette relayed the comment.

Kanda frowned deeply. "That has nothing to do with you. Now get your ghosty ass out. You're trespassing."

Allen frowned. "He says, 'How does it feel, knowing that you're getting closer and closer to dying every time you fight?'" The silverette rubbed his forehead in thought. He remembered fighting Alma Karma and learning about Kanda's past. However, he knew nothing about how far the "curse" has progressed.

He was oblivious.

Kanda smirked. "That's a stupid question. I wouldn't know since everyone here is prepared to die every time they fight anyway. You're assuming that I think I'll survive every battle that comes to me."

Neah made a pitying face and Allen immediately stepped forward with a growl; he hated that expression. "Yes, but your time is running out, isn't it? The same way my nephew's is." He smiled. "And I bet you're still seeing those lotus flowers everywhere around you. Say, do they ever show up on people?"

At this, Allen felt his eyes widen. "Wha-What are you talking about...?" Suddenly, dread crashed down to the pit of his stomach, churning and jumping around until it settled like led. He felt goose bumps trail up and down his arms and the hair on the back of his neck stand straight.

"Oh, didn't you know?" Neah turned to him and grinned, enjoying the fact that he was about to drop a bomb on his young nephew. "I guess not." He pretended to be concerned and disappointed. "Kanda here has been using his life force to fight again." He sent the samurai a pitying look. After all, he could only hear one side of the conversation. "I can see his curse has spread down his arm and across his chest. He doesn't have much longer now." Neah crossed his arms. "Might not even last the rest of this war." The man leaned forward, looking Kanda up and down. "And those lotus flowers are a part of his curse. He hallucinates about them. Sees them the same way you see me." Neah grinned maliciously. "They haunt him." He said in a low, dark voice.

Allen felt the blood in his veins slow until it was just at a crawl and then freeze over. His mercury orbs grew to the size of saucers and the color washed out of his face. He clenched his fists at his side, his body becoming so numb that he couldn't even feel his nails digging into his palms and spilling blood.

"What...?" He whispered hoarsely, his eyes slowly traveling to the solemn samurai. It appeared that he knew exactly what had been said to the whitette. "K-Kanda... y-you didn't."

The samurai watched him with calculating eyes as he nodded once slowly. "There were two Noah and six pieces of Innocence. There was no other way."

Allen felt the world around him stop spinning and crash down as he took a step towards the man who turned his head away. With a quick breath, he ran forward, gripping at the samurai's shirt and bringing him to the ground. Kanda did not fight back, even as Allen straddled his hips. "Is that why all you've been wearing is long sleeves recently? And the cuffs covering your forearms?"

Kanda looked up in shock at the silverette. "You...noticed...?"

The silverette slammed gripped the cloth on his chest and used it to slam the samurai into the floor roughly. "Of course I noticed, you dumbass!" He bit out angrily. "Despite the fact that we fight all the time, I consider you one of my best friends! Now I know you couldn't trust me enough to tell me what's going on."

Allen began to shake. "No, it's not just me. None of us know. Isn't that right?!"

Kanda sighed, nodding once slowly. "Only Komui..." he murmured.

Allen slammed a fist into the ground next to Kanda's down body, the hardwood floor cracking and allowing his hand to create a hole. "What about Lavi? Or Lenalee? We're your friends, aren't we?" His bangs shadowed his eyes as he spoke with calm anger. "Lenalee, who loves her friends more than this world, would be devastated."

Kanda snapped his head around to face Allen instead of looking away. "That's exactly why I didn't say anything! Why the hell would I want to cause her or Usagi or anyone else for that matter, any more pain?! Because I fucking care, that's why! I care more than I ever should!" He snapped.

He felt more than saw Allen's body tense and shudder as he took in a deep breath. "_Did it ever occur to you that maybe hiding it from us would hurt more than telling us in the first place?! Did it ever occur to you that maybe we care more than we should too?!_" He screamed, his eyes becoming a furious silver glint and his pupils dilating as he glared at the samurai beneath him.

"This is a war, goddammit!" Kanda yelled back, feeling his vocal cords straining against his neck. "No one should be caring for anyone else! We're only hurting ourselves more, so why?! Why are we doing it?!"

Allen went limp against him, his eyes showing hurt and betrayal. "Because it's in our nature, Kanda. We can't help but care for you. We only have each other; that's what Lenalee and Lavi and you all taught me last Christmas. So why aren't you accepting us more? Why don't you trust us? We're all you have now. You should just talk to us more."

Kanda swallowed thickly, avoiding Allen's gaze. It made him feel like a piece of shit. Guilt was never his strong point. "I-I..." He began, sitting up. His sleeve suddenly got caught in the splintered wood of the floor, tearing open as he sat up.

Allen stared in horror at the jagged black mark streaking across beautiful and otherwise flawless skin. "Oh my God." He let out thickly. "Oh my God!" He went nearly choked, swallowing as he took shaky hands to the material. He tore it open further, batting away Kanda's attempts to stop him.

Allen felt his heart scream in his ears as he began hyperventilating, his breaths shallow, quick, and irregular. He felt his eyes water as he traced the marks around his arms, tearing the shirt further to follow the marks to his back. Tears began falling away from his eyes and unto Kanda's cold skin.

How could something that seemed so harmless become foreshadowing to a terrible event?

Allen collapsed against the samurai's chest, his breathing becoming even shorter and faster as reality closed in on his thoughts and he began to sob.

_Kanda... Kanda... Kanda... Kanda... Kanda... _He chanted like a mantra, as though it could eliminate the grief he felt constricting his chest and erase the marks.

"Why?!" Allen demanded. "Why is it always someone else?!" _Instead of me? _Was the unsaid question. "Why does it have to be Kanda?!" He nearly screamed as his memories of the teenager closed in.

Kanda was the bravest man he had ever known. He knew how to walk forward, even when his world became one of agony. He had courage that only came with seeing many deaths and fighting for his life on the battle field.

He bravely took the steps that would lead to certain doom, and came back smirking. If there was one person full of nobility and pride, it was Kanda.

He would never give up.

"Moyashi." Kanda shook his shoulder. "For Kami's sake, stop crying! You're treating me like I'm already dead!"

Allen snapped back in realization, suddenly stilling and becoming deathly pale. "Kanda." He suddenly murmured quietly, his eyes fixated on the shoji doors. "The doors."

The blunette whirled around. "Fuck!" He exclaimed, jumping up and slamming open the wooden frame.

There stood Lenalee, sobbing into her hands quietly.

They had both been so busy with Neah, and then with themselves that they hadn't sensed her presence.

"Le-Lenalee..." Allen let out softly.

The girl slowly raised her head, her shoulder-length hair framing her face. Her expression was the epitome of agony.

Kanda suddenly gathered the girl into his arms, his shirt falling away and hanging unto the other, unmarked side of his body.

"I take it you heard everything?" He murmured quietly, gently.

Lenalee nodded her head. "I heard Allen yelling and I came to see what was up since I was training with Lavi and Marie-san." She hiccupped, her shoulders shuddering with the movement. "Marie-san ran off before I could say anything, and then I heard what you were saying and I... I-"

"Shh..." Kanda patted the girl's back awkwardly. He barely had any experience with comforting, but he remembered doing it for Lenalee as a child when she came crying to him about that Adolf Hitler bastard. "It's fine, Lenalee."

Lenalee shook her head. "No, it's not Kanda. You're like my other brother here. I can't lose you now." She murmured, her voice quivering.

Kanda sighed, reluctantly telling Lenalee his feelings. "Embarrassingly enough, you're like my little sister, too. But don't tell that Mr. Sister-Complex or I'll be chased down by a Komurin or even experimented on in my sleep."

Allen watched, his eyes still letting out tears. But he smiled. Smiled for the relationships Kanda managed to build, even though he tried so hard to push everyone away and isolate himself.

No matter what Kanda said, they really did only have each other.

* * *

Later that night, Lenalee sat with Allen in front of a fireplace. They comforted each other and cried together until Lavi walked by the room on his way to the library.

The pair let him in and told the redhead about their discovery. The three of them, sniffling and crying their eyes out, tired themselves out. Eventually, they all fell asleep against the couch; Lenalee leaning on Allen, and Lavi resting his head in Lenalee's warm lap.

And one agonized samurai threw a blanket over the three of them, smiling bitterly and wiping away the tears they shed in their sleep. All because of him.

It was moments like these that made him wonder why he even bothered with it all. Making friends and having comrades... it only brought along pain.

But it was the moments when they were all together and happy that made him feel like it wasn't too bad. That it was easier.

And so he resolved to bravely keep fighting. Fighting the Earl and the Noah and the Innocence. Fighting the Order. Fighting with his friends at his side.

"I won't give up." He swore. "For my family."

With that, the samurai leaned against the couch near Lavi's feet, closing his eyes to get some rest.

It _had_ to end for the better. Or he'd _make_ it.

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**End Chapter: Looking Back**

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** Urghhh... I feel like this had SO much more potential. There are other things I can go into too, but I decided I'd do that in another, much shorter one shot eventually. I really didn't mean for this to be something of a continuation of last chapter... it kinda just happened. I guess that's because I'm not really used to writing one shots.**

** Another thing, I'm sorry this was so fast paced and that the transitions between events were so sloppy. I might go back and fix that up eventually, but for right now, I have no ideas for doing it. XD Don't worry though. I'll come up with some eventually.**

** Thanks for reading! Leave a review please?**

**Next chapter: **_**Yorokobi; **_**They didn't really mean to do it, but it just kinda happened. It was childish, they knew, but it was fun. Besides, who ever said you couldn't make faces with your lunch?**

** Ja ne~!**

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**~Crescent T.**


	3. Yorokobi

**YOS.3**

** Thanks for all the favorites and follows. You guys are great. :D **

** This one is based off another picture I found on Pintrest. You can find it on my account, Nika Vulaj. I have a board there just for D Gray-Man, and fuck yes, there's lots of Allen and Kanda. Go take a look. ;)**

** Note: Meh.. *shrugs* This one is more of a friendship one shot between all four of our favorite Exorcists. I found myself wanting to write this one after seeing that picture.**

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**Chapter Name: Yorokobi**

* * *

**Normal POV**

Lenalee grinned at her friends as she popped open her tall can of chips happily. Lavi sat on her left, eating his own lunch. Allen sat across from the redhead, a mountain of plates already piled high all around him. The violet eyed girl trained her gaze on a very _special guest_ they had managed to drag over from his usual, isolated table, his meal of soba already in front of him.

Not only that, but Kanda wasn't wearing his uniform or training clothes for once. In fact, with the lightly colored sweater-like kimono and a natural deep v-neck, he seemed... _normal._ That, and the fact that he had tied his ponytail lower than usual today, allowing his bangs to frame his face.

Lenalee put a chip in her mouth and munched on it happily, surprised she had been able to sneak a few of those into his closet and _actually see him wearing them. _

It was a gift from the Heavens above. Kami seemed to love helping her out with these things. After all, she never got caught.

The teen let her eyes trail over to the person who sat next to Kanda, watching as Bottom-Less-Pit-Allen-Walker stacked another plate onto a new pile. She rolled her eyes amusedly before putting another chip into her mouth. Allen ate like a starving animal.

Lenalee paused, her eyes trailing down to her bag of chips in thought before grabbing two and putting them into her mouth at the tips. They faced opposite directions so that she looked as though she had gained a new appendage; a beak.

The forest green haired teen (she had been able to make two small pigtails at the top her head today, allowing the rest of her hair to fall down as though she were wearing a half-pony) put a delicate finger to the tip, making a sound to gain her friends' attention. They all paused and look up from their meals at her, blinking twice in confusion.

Lavi and Allen both burst into laughter, but Kanda remained impassive and bored.

"I made a duck beak," She murmured around the chips in her mouth, using her finger to hold them so that they didn't fall.

Allen grinned, adjusting his white blouse's sleeves and his tie a bit before picking up a slice of orange. He put the slice into his mouth, skin and all, and smiled, revealing an orange grin.

Lenalee pushed the chips into her mouth and swallowed them down before she could choke, coughing a bit. "I haven't seen someone do that since I was little!" She laughed heartily.

Allen popped the orange slice out of his mouth and properly peeled the skin off to eat it, never losing his wide smile. "I couldn't help it." He shrugged. "I just remembered it when you did that." The whitette smiled warmly at her.

Lavi suddenly lit up, munching a bit on his corn before baring his teeth. Allen and Lenalee stared before bursting into laughter.

"I have gold teeth." Lavi announced happily, grinning around the pieces of corn. He licked his teeth after a minute, and then reached for a tooth pick to clean them up.

Allen nudged Kanda in the side, and the samurai slid his bored gaze over to him. The whitette raised a brow in question.

The blunette rolled his eyes in annoyance before returning to his most comfortable, bored facade. He picked up a red squid from his lunch and put it in his mouth so that the tentacles blossomed from his lips like a flower.

"The squid that got stuck on Moyashi's head awhile back."

The table went silent.

"KANDA!" All three audience members roared; two in anger and one in horror.

Lavi jumped up and restrained a rampaging Allen Walker from across the table, and Lenalee leaned forward, her fists clenched.

"Kanda, that's rude! We all agreed never to bring that up again!"

Kanda, still looking bored, pointed at the girl with the hand that held his chopsticks. He used his index finger, pressing the wooden sticks with the side of his thumb to his hand to hold them. He spoke around the squid in his mouth.

"You started it," He replied almost childishly. "Besides, it's Mr. Sister-Complex's fault, not mine."

"That doesn't mean you should bring it up!" All three of them shouted in unison. Allen looked like he was ready to bite Kanda's head off, and Lavi seemed terrified of the outcome. Lenalee continued to glare at the samurai, furiously pushing back the memories of that _stupid misunderstanding_.

Needless to say, no one was going to be eating lunch with Kanda for a little while. Or playing with their food.

But that was how the samurai liked it.

* * *

**End Chapter: Joy**

* * *

** This was nice. Really short compared to the other chapters. I called it 'Joy' because I thought that this would only happen during a slightly peaceful time in the war, when everyone was happy. **

** They wouldn't be able to 'fight' like this if they weren't happy.**

** Leave a review please? **_**Please?**_** This story still hasn't gotten a single review! I NEED FEEDBACK! *whimpers***

** See you next time...? Maybe...?**

* * *

**~Crescent T.**


	4. Wandaboi

**YOS.****4**

** Hello everyone~! I'm back. Before we get started, I'd like to thank Akkira Nala, FrenchMacaroni, and taliatheotaku for their support. If it weren't for you three, this chapter might've taken a little longer due to my uncertainties. XD **

** I purposely didn't want to post a chapter summary for this one last chapter because I was a little out of ideas. But don't worry, after watching an anime called "K" (AKA "K Project"), I have some new ideas in my head. (OMG guys, I can't tell you how much Kuroh reminds me of Kanda! The sword, the long hair, the somewhat cold exterior... OMG. And when the movie sequel comes out next month, we'll be seeing more similarities between Kanda and Kuroh. Do me a favor and look at the trailer for the movie? I bet you that you can pick out who Kuroh is while watching it. Kanda and Kuroh are too hawt.)**

** Anyways, I think that's enough of my fangirling. Onto the chapter!**

** Disclaimer: Just realized I didn't do this. I don't own D. Gray-Man unfortunately. If I did, Kanda and Allen would've gotten rid of all of that sexual tension a long time ago... preferably around the time that Allen and Kanda had that wonderful reunion about selling hair. XD I also don't own the chapter titles. They are the titles to piano songs by an artist named Yiruma. He's fantastic, really. You can find the songs I've named so far on YouTube. :) (His titles are mostly English... I've been translating them into Japanese for more... impact.)**

* * *

**Chapter Name: Wandaboi**

* * *

**Normal POV**

Saying that Allen Walker cared too much about other people was an extreme understatement. No, Allen Walker cared too much about his _impact_ on others, resulting on a restriction of character. It was almost as if the guy couldn't be himself when it came to new people.

Therefore, when Allen first joined the Order, it was no surprise to Kanda (when he later thought about it) that Allen had seemed reserved, overly-polite, and distant.

He smiled kindly and went about his own business, quickly becoming a favorite among everyone, including the Finders Kanda disliked so.

The whitette went around talking to everyone as though they were old friends, but he wasn't really close to anyone besides Komui and Lenalee, and then later, Lavi too.

Begrudgingly, he had also become a part of that little circle of close friends. And the longer Allen stayed at the Order, the more that circle grew. Soon it was Bookman, Miranda, Krory, Marie, the brat who joined after their mission in Paris (Timothy, was it?), and people from the Science Division.

Still, even if Kanda thought these people fell under the 'friend' category for Allen, Allen himself most likely didn't.

Allen was friendly, and close to everyone around him. He could wiggle into any gathering, even if he wasn't intentionally invited (it was almost expected that he would be there, so no one really thought to invite him anywhere). The whitette loved everyone, and everyone loved him.

But to Kanda, it looked as though he wasn't really close to anyone at all. He was cautious, afraid almost... Allen wouldn't take that last step to get close to anyone, and wouldn't let them do it either. The whitette was like mist, floating around soundlessly with a carefree gait and sweet smile. And to Kanda, it felt like, if he were to take his eyes off of the teen, he'd run away somewhere far. Far and out of reach...

As though he'd disappear in a puff of air.

Kanda attempted to think more along Allen's train of thought. He assumed that Allen believed they were all people he had to protect... people who were a part of his makeshift family at his makeshift home. While he could always be friendly to those people, they weren't the ones he was okay with sharing his own burdens with.

No, Allen leaned on Lavi, Lenalee, and himself when it came to that.

It had taken a long, long, _long_ time to convince Allen of that, but it happened. It was after the whitette was forced into another bout with the Noah within him, fighting him off for almost three days straight.

He didn't sleep, and tried not to come out of his room unless it was to eat, train, or speak to Komui about a mission. Eventually, the trio (meaning Lenalee, Lavi, and himself) had broken down the idiot's door, finding him braced against his window seat and breathing heavily. After forcing Allen to open up and spill the beans, Lavi and Lenalee harshly reprimanded him for not sharing the problem with them and seeking help.

The whitette had smiled that helpless, smooth smile of his and soothingly replied, "It's fine, it's fine." He waved it off dismissively, his attitude mismatched with his weary appearance. "After all, it's just the influence of power. Neah himself isn't the type to push me just for power. It's the Noah within both of us."

Kanda couldn't believe his ears. Instead of downright hating Neah's guts, Allen was trying to see past that and further into the core of this huge mess. And, he had deemed Neah safe as a human person.

That meant that in Allen's mind, Neah and The Fourteenth were two separate beings that had the misfortune of being welded together.

Or maybe Kanda was wrong. He figured Allen knew that the bond between The Fourteenth Noah and Neah ran much deeper than that. Perhaps it was even thicker than blood. After all, Neah wasn't born as a Noah. The Noah's memory planted itself in him, forcing him to become a host to malicious power, much like Allen's situation now.

Except, rather than letting The Fourteenth's memory become its own existence, Neah had remained a part of it after thirty five years, determined to accomplish his goal. However, that goal and the circumstances behind it were shrouded in a deep, black veil of mystery that Kanda knew only Allen could reveal.

The samurai snorted, shaking himself out of his thoughts. After the incident in the kitchens just now, Kanda had found himself thinking about Allen's personality when he first arrived. He could already see the whitette shutting random people out of his personal life, keeping them at arm's length. Then his thoughts had drifted to the darker side of things, where his Noah was lurking.

He sat up in his bed, definitely unable to sleep.

The raven haired man closed his eyes, face set in tense resignation. He didn't want to go in there, but he knew that only a cup of green tea could soothe his nerves now.

And besides, he had too much pride to allow a bean sprout to dictate his actions.

He stood, swiftly leaving his room in his comfortable clothing and making a beeline for the cafeteria. Before he knew it, he was at the double doors to the kitchen again, bracing himself for the same sight he saw earlier.

* * *

_The samurai gently pushed the doors into the kitchen open, aiming for quiet as to not scare anyone. Then they'd scream and wake up the entire stupid floor. __However, he had barely gotten halfway through the door when his eyes locked onto a familiar mob of old man hair surrounded by bubbles and delicate china._

_ The Moyashi was helping out the kitchen crew with his massive piles of dishes, and humming while he went at it!_

_ The shocked samurai was quick to run away before anyone could notice his presence._

* * *

One Allen Walker suddenly whirled around startling the crewmember beside him.

"What's wrong, Allen-san?" He asked.

"Hm... It was nothing. I just thought someone was watching us." He didn't mention the silky black curtain of hair he swore he saw fluttering away, or his suspicions of whom he believed he saw.

"Oh, really?" The crewmember asked curiously.

Allen smiled. "Yeah, but I think it was just my imagination."

"Hmm. Maybe not, Allen-san. I think the whole kitchen is paying attention to you." The crewmember smiled secretively.

"Eh? Me? Why?" Allen quickly asked, flushing a light pink.

"Isn't it obvious?" He grinned. "It's because you've got such a great singing voice! What is that song you keep humming anyway?"

Allen's face darkened into a red color. "O-Oh, that's just a lullaby I heard once."

Kanda had identified it as _Lala's Lullaby_ earlier, from their first mission in Mater.

The crewmember made a humming sound in the back of his throat. "I think it's a nice lullaby." He chimed, turning back around towards the sinks as Jerryy neared them, making his rounds. "Ah, but I don't think that your singing is the only thing." He said suddenly.

Allen blinked at him owlishly, quickly rinsing off another plate and passing it to the crewmember that dried it off just as quickly in order to receive the next one. "Eh? Then what else do you think it is?"

The crewmember smiled up at him. "Well, we all know you've been coming down and helping us out with these plates for a while, but it's still pretty rare for someone else to be in here. Of their own accord too." At Allen's slightly confused face, the crewmember swiftly elaborated. "I mean, sometimes we get others, but they're usually being punished for something stupid they did. But you... you say you're here to take care of your own plates. It's really admirable to all of us. You're like a role model for all of us to work harder."

At this point, the young Exorcist's face had blossomed into a deep scarlet, suddenly realizing that the kitchen members had gone quiet. They were listening to their conversation.

"Oh man, it's really nothing like that!" Allen floundered, the dishes momentarily forgotten. "I just felt really bad for the people who have to wash all the dishes I pile up. Seriously, it's too much work for one person, and I'm surprised your salary hasn't been bumped up. I'm used to doing my own dishes anyway, so..." The silverette trailed off, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

The crewmembers in the kitchen all suddenly burst into laughter.

Allen flushed even darker, resembling a baboon butt as he closed up within himself, almost looking as though he wanted to shrink and disappear.

Seriously, the still watching Kanda had no idea someone could get that red.

The crewmember beside him clapped him hard between the shoulder blades, knocking Allen forward with an oof! sound. "Don't be so embarrassed, Allen-san. You're too humble."

"No, no..." Allen chuckled embarrassedly. "I just..." He put his hands out at his stomach, as though he was trying to sort out a ball of jumbled up thoughts and words. He sighed suddenly, his shoulders slumping as he dropped his hands. The whitette puffed out his cheeks in a pout, going back to his work with movements that screamed, 'hmph!' The crewmembers in the kitchen continued to smile as they finished off their work for the night, doing little things here and there and making preparations for tomorrow morning's work.

Even Jerryy spent a long moment smiling gently at the whitette as he quickly finished off the rest of his work, before going around and barking orders around the kitchen.

In the next moment, Allen was gently drying his now tender hands before waving goodbye to the kitchen workers, the moment from before completely forgotten and brushed aside.

"Ah, I'll walk you, Allen-san!" The crewmember jogged to his side, smiling widely.

Kanda stepped into the shadows near the walls, masking his presence like a breeze passing through an area. He watched as Allen glanced around the outer corridor, holding one of the double doors open as his instincts warned him of Kanda's nearby presence.

The samurai smirked, mentally applauding the Moyashi.

His attention was diverted when that kitchen worker came to his side. "What's wrong? Is there someone there again?"

Allen cocked his head and smiled. "No, it's nothing. I was just thinking a little." He offered a small chuckle, and Kanda could tell that the silverette was still monitoring his surroundings.

"Oh." The crewmember seemed a bit put off, as though he was expecting something exciting. "What about?" He questioned.

The silverette smiled again. "Just that I didn't want to trouble you with walking me back." He smoothly lied, and Kanda felt his eyes narrow and brow crinkle.

_Lies spill from his mouth so easily..._

"Oh it's nothing," The crewmember chuckled. "You make for good company after all. I was just hoping to return the favor, Allen."

Kanda picked up on the dropping of honorifics.

Allen merely went along with the flow, smiling kindly and not mentioning the change in conversation.

"I'm glad to hear it." The silverette merely replied.

They walked quietly like that for a while and Kanda followed, swallowed up by the shadows. He knew he shouldn't, but it was too interesting to skip out on.

"Ah, there are stairs around this corner, Allen. Please watch out."

Allen chuckled. "Oh yeah. Thanks for reminding me." After a beat he spoke again. "I guess that's why you came huh? Because you'd heard of my clumsiness,"

The crewmember smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassedly. "Well..."

Allen laughed. "Don't worry about it. People are always helping me out when it comes to things like this. Though I'll admit, no one besides Lenalee has tried to be subtle with it."

The crewmember flushed a bit more. "...I see."

Walker and the kitchen worker slowly climbed the stairs, afraid to lose their footing with the dim lighting. Suddenly, the crewmember made a choked sound, and Allen swiftly turned around just as the man began to fall back toward the dark abyss below.

However, his companion was already too far for him to reach, and without a thought to his own well being, Allen allowed himself to fall forward, chasing after the outstretched hand before him.

...And effectively allowing his feet to slide off the steps.

He grasped the calloused hand and yanked the man forward once, throwing him onto the stair's landing. The kitchen worker let out a small yelp of shock, catching his footing before turning around. Allen braced himself, faintly hearing his companion call his name in worry as he made a nose dive to the floor.

He wasn't sure what had propelled him to dash forward. He knew that a fall like that down the huge staircase would probably only earn him a slight concussion or sprained limb, not kill him.

But something in Kanda's mind screamed at him to _move._

He had done it without a single thought, as though it were instinct, and the moment was over the second he realized he was staring into wide chromium orbs. The samurai nearly dropped the idiot on his behind, but instead opted to allow Allen to make a move first.

"Hey, Allen!" The crewmember shouted, but quietly enough so that the floor wouldn't wake. "Are you okay? Hold on, I'm coming down there right now." After a moment they heard, "Oh stars, I can't see anything down there."

The whitette moved slowly, still quivering from the adrenaline rush he felt. Why hadn't he activated Crown Clown and saved himself? That fall could've earned him a broken nose and severe concussion _if_ he was lucky enough to miss the stairs as he fell. Kanda helped him up, feeling the Moyashi's body shake under his deft but gentle touch. When chromium eyes met his slate orbs again, they were filled with gratefulness.

"Thank you..." Allen whispered.

"Che." Kanda spat. "You and your self-sacrifice complex." he replied quietly, letting Allen go and walking away from the situation before the crewmember spotted him. He allowed the shadows to wrap him up in their caressing embrace once more.

"I'm alright, I think." Allen called up the steps. "I don't feel weird anywhere."

The crewmember sighed at the sound of his voice, a sigh filled with relief. "Oh thank the stars above. But what were you thinking?! Doing something like that? I think I just died of two back-to-back heart attacks!" his companion hissed in a low voice.

Allen laughed a bit nervously. "I knew I could take the fall, is all." He replied smoothly. "I just thought you might get hurt."

"How were you so sure?"

The whitette was silent for a moment, smiling secretively. "Oh, let's just say I have a guardian angel."

"...Hah..." The crewmember answered, dumbfounded.

"Anyway, this far is more than enough." Allen said suddenly. "You've been through a lot of excitement tonight, and I apologize. I'm sure I can find my way back to my room from here." His tone left no room for argument. "I've done it before."

"Ah, but-"

"That's enough," Allen gently interrupted. "I can take it from here. Go back to your room and rest. You'll need it after a shock like that."

Flabbergasted the crewmember relented. "...Hah..." He snapped out of his dumbfounded state. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

Allen cocked his head to the side. "Oh, didn't Jerryy tell you? I've been banned from helping out in the kitchen by Komui. He says that taking care of that work for free is like allowing the rest of the members to dump their work on me, even though I tell him I'm just doing my own plates."

"Eh? But no one is actually doing that, right?"

"Yeah, but Komui doesn't know that." Allen gently replied, nodding. "So from here on out, I won't be able to help you with the dishes anymore."

The crewmember deflated, stopping where we was a few meters from the bubbly Exorcist. "Will I see you again, Allen?"

The silverette merely cocked his head and smiled. "Who knows?" He replied evasively. "Goodnight."

His companion gave him one last sad glance over his shoulder before turning around and running to Allen again.

_Because this is the last time I'll get to see you, I guess._

The silverette did not move as the crewmember planted a chaste kiss to his lips sadly.

"Thank you, Allen."

Chromium eyes did not watch as the crewmember ran up the stairs this time, opting to watch the floor in an avoided gaze. A small frown marred his usually cheerful expression.

Allen began walking slowly away, and Kanda retreated from the shadows to fall into step with him.

The blunette sighed. "'Guardian angel,' huh?" He quoted.

Allen looked up at him with a small, teasing smile. "What? You don't like it?"

"Che." Was Kanda's only response.

The silverette merely chuckled as they continued to walk along.

"Komui didn't really tell you to stop working in the kitchens, did he...?"

Allen sent him a glance from the corner of his eye, his expression not revealing his thoughts. "No, he didn't."

"You were just trying to shut him out, like you did with Baka Usagi, Lenalee, and I."

Allen didn't respond.

"Why did you let him kiss you?"

The silverette touched his luscious, pink lips. "I didn't see it coming," he admitted quietly. "I thought he had feelings for me a little more than he should, but I wasn't sure, you know? It's hard to decide when, sometimes, you don't want to see it yourself."

"Not see it yourself...?" Kanda questioned quietly.

"I knew that if anything like that popped up, I'd have to make my escape. And it's too bad because I really do like the kitchen crew." Allen elaborated, his smile returning to his face. "But it's fine. After all, it's better for everyone this way."

This time, Kanda remained silent.

"And Lala's Lullaby?" He quietly asked. "I'm surprised you even remembered it."

"Ah," Allen perked up. "It gets stuck in my head on nights like this." Privately, he added, _Says the one who even gave it such a cute name._

Kanda raised his brows.

"I mean, nights where it's a little hard to fall asleep because you can't stop _thinking._"

The blunette rolled his eyes. "You'd never have that problem if you just focused your thoughts on one thing." They were in the round hall to the rooms now, the whitette trailing behind him.

Allen quirked a brow in response to his solution. "And how do I do that?"

"Meditate, of course."

The silverette smirked teasingly. "Is that an invitation I hear from _the_ Kanda Yuu? I'm flattered."

"Or you could write a story, in your head." Kanda went on, smoothly ignoring the comment.

"Story?"

"Che." The samurai frowned. "Do I have to explain everything to you, Baka Moyashi? Just think up a scenario and put people you know, or yourself, in it. All your thoughts get focused on how you would act during that scenario and you fall asleep."

Allen smiled. "I never imagined you giving me advice on insomnia, Kanda." The samurai turned the knob on the door.

"Shut the hell up, Baka Moyashi."

"Cruel one, aren't you?"

"Then why are you here?" Kanda murmured, sitting on his own bed, clad in dark microfiber sheets (silk, although smooth, would stick to his skin when he got sweaty on hot nights).

Allen collapsed onto the bed too. "Eh? Isn't this fine?" He asked, stretching out on the sheets.

"I never said I had a problem with you being here." Kanda's smooth voice rumbled as Allen's bedroom eyes sparkled. He crawled over until he was on hands and knees with Allen below him. A nose trailed along a smooth neck and Allen pointed his chin upward to grant Kanda more access. "I just don't understand why you're attracted to someone you call cruel."

Allen smiled at him. "Not cruel, a guardian angel in disguise Kanda." He corrected.

* * *

When it was all said and over with, Kanda propped his head up with an arm, their bodies covered by the thin sheets. "They were right about what they said about you."

"Me?"

"When you first came to the Order." Kanda nodded.

"What did 'they' call me?"

Kanda smiled his rare, true smile. "'Wonder Boy.'"

* * *

**End Chapter: Wonder Boy**

* * *

** So sorry to cut out the lemons, my dear fans. When I get to writing that, I'd like to make it just that chapter rather than just a scene. Putting that in here would've made this too long since I like to drag it out with foreplay and teasing. ;) ;)**

** Did any of you notice how I didn't give the OC a name? That's because I don't use OCs unless the situation calls for it. He will always be known to me as 'the crewmember' or 'the kitchen worker' or 'the gay guy who fell in love with Allen and was brave enough to kiss him in front of Kanda, not knowing that Allen was shutting him out anyway.' **

** Please drop a review! The next one is coming soon (based heavily on the manga, so if you haven't read it, don't read next chapter. For your own sake).**

**~Crescent T.**


	5. Watashi wa Anata o Mitsukeru made

**YOS.5**

** WARNING: CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS. Especially since I followed the plot of the manga EXACTLY. If you haven't read up to chapter Ch. 209, then PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER. SERIOUSLY.**

* * *

**Chapter Name: Watashi wa Anata o Mitsukeru made...**

* * *

**Normal POV**

Kanda slipped on his shoes and picked up the travel bag sitting on his bed. He sighed softly, taking one last glance around the dark room and down at his forearms. His stigmata were beginning to tingle, as though his Innocence was already becoming suspicious of his actions. Blue grey eyes focused for a moment on a special, lone hourglass before suddenly turning away.

The samurai slammed the door to his room, storming out of the Order before anyone could truly spot him.

Marie frowned in thought, arms crossed as his ears traced Kanda's escaping form at a window in the hall. Lenalee stood next to him, a hand on the glass.

_Please do your best, Kanda. We'll try to cover things over here as long as we can._

Soon enough, the moody samurai was standing on a platform in the town's station. His dark eyes glared icily at the retreating form of the train he had just missed, his jaw clenched tightly.

Taking a quick scan of his surroundings, Kanda jumped onto the last carriage, holding onto an iron railing. He nonchalantly waited on the little iron platform at the back of the train, acting as though he was about to smoke a cigarette to the eyes of the other commuters on the waiting platforms (who didn't already see him jump on and were screaming for authorities). When the train safely exited the station and was out of sight, he climbed up to the roof, wincing as the air rushed into his eyes and whipped his ponytail back and forth.

The samurai ground his teeth in determination, lifting a hand up to grasp at a ledge to pull his body up. Luckily, he was completely hidden by the roof by the time the conductor came around calling for tickets. Kanda relaxed a bit before calmly advancing, continuing to crawl along the roof of the cars and making his way to the one he needed.

The samurai frowned when he reached his destination, hearing a ruckus from down below. Immediately, his mind jumped to the conclusion that the events beneath him were not going to be very pretty.

Scrambling down the side of the train, he clung to whatever ledges he could, grimacing as his fingertips began to shake from the pressure. The wind could sweep him off the side of the train at any moment. All it took was one break in focus, one little rest in one of his fingers... and he'd never forgive himself for failing.

The samurai furrowed his brows, eyes narrowed as he squinted through the wind. He looked down at the window below him, bracing himself. With one large gulp of air, he pushed off of the train with his feet, and pulled his body forward, smashing into the window below him.

The glass beneath his feet easily bent and shattered, and shouts of surprise echoed through the hallway he had entered. The samurai braced himself on the window frame for but a moment before swiftly jumping over the bound body beneath him.

Two men in business clothing and heavy jackets like his own stood at the door to the private cabin, shielding their faces with their arms from the flying glass and the sudden whirl of wind.

That was enough time for him to push them into the room and shut the door to the cabin behind him without a word to the person he came to rescue.

Shouts of extreme pain suddenly echoed through the private cabin but Kanda was quick to silence them.

He stood emotionlessly in the space between the two cushioned seats that now held two, very beaten up Central workers. Adjusting his scarf and large coat with one hand (the other was holding his clothed covered Mugen), he waited until he heard the sliding of the door behind him.

He turned his head slowly to look over his shoulder at the man who was now free from the CROW bindings.

"It's Kanda... right?" Came the uncertain call.

Johnny Gill stood at the door, squirming under Kanda's settled gaze.

"I heard the news from Marie," Kanda spoke for the first time. "Do you know where that Bean Sprout is?"

Johnny, still partially hiding behind the door, uncomfortably spoke. "Um... that would be...?"

Kanda, having no patience for a squirming scientist immediately snapped. "Well, how about it?!" He demanded, his aura quickly becoming that of a demon.

Johnny jumped at his grumpy and loud tone of voice, letting out a frightened squawk. "I don't know! I'm so sorry!" He replied, unconsciously raising his voice as well.

However, he quickly sought to defend himself. Splaying a hand over his chest and raising an index finger with the other, he spoke again. "But!" He quickly amended. "I have a plan for finding Allen!"

Kanda looked at him with something of a relaxed and interested expression, one that seemed surprised or taken aback, but masked with calm interest.

"Really?" He asked as Johnny leaned around him to look down at the beaten up Central officers.

"Ahh... yeah." He replied almost absentmindedly. Looking down at the men nervously, he spoke again. "Umm... but before that... these people are still alive, right?"

A sadistic aura suddenly surrounded Kanda as he smirked darkly. "Relax," he began, Mugen thrown over his shoulder as he smirked down at a nervous Johnny. "You can't be too careful with CROW, so I've beaten them to a pulp." His smirk seemed to stretch even further. "Now you're officially a fugitive from the Order as well."

Johnny couldn't help the nervous smile that twitched across his face. "Why do you look so happy Kanda?" He questioned with an awkward chuckle.

The scientist turned around and put a hand above the air holes of one of the Central men. _He's still breathing, right? _The man remained still. _Breathe..._

Johnny frowned a bit before speaking. "But Kanda, why did you come here..."

"I'm going with you." Kanda smoothly answered.

The kneeling man paused, letting the words sink in for a good moment before turning his head to look at Kanda.

Scarily enough, the man was already crouched to his height and facing him. "Eh?!" Johnny exclaimed, eyes nearly bugging out of his dorky glasses.

Kanda coolly leaned in, eyes narrowed as he slowly explained himself. "I'm saying, I'm going to be escorting you until we get to where that Bean Sprout is."

That was how their crazy journey to find Allen Walker began.

* * *

They travelled from one bar to the next, and after the twenty-third one, they sat drinking beers as Johnny revealed his train of thought for tracking Allen down through General Cross's debt bills.

To Kanda's surprise, he had learned that Allen remembered every place Cross owed debt to and the amount.

He also learned that Reever had revealed that Cross was alive to Johnny, and that the people at the Order were rooting for him.

Maybe it was the beer, and the fact that the alcohol took longer to flush out of his system due to his slowed regeneration abilities. Or maybe it was just a curious part of him, but he found himself asking Johnny why he was chasing after such a troublesome bean sprout.

"Haven't you got everything to lose?" He asked, his head resting on a palm.

Johnny smiled at him, cheeks flushed with a dark red from the drinks. "I..." He began slowly. "Can only think in the absolute simplest terms." The scientist grinned.

"It's because we're friends!" He exclaimed cheerfully, swinging his travel bag over his head and splaying a hand over his chest once again.

Kanda's eyes widened as he stared, seeing an imprinted memory of a happily jumping Alma next to Johnny's drunk form.

The teen stared in limp shock at Johnny's unsuspecting form before blushing and putting a hand to his face. He rubbed an eye sullenly while directing his gaze downwards and shielding his face with his bangs. A slight, wavering frown on his almost pouting lips, like he was going to cry.

This was embarrassing. He had definitely had one too many beers.

Johnny was quick to gather his things as they stood and left the quaint little bar and its somewhat soothing atmosphere.

As they walked outside, Johnny began to question him on why he was "escorting" him to Allen.

However, an akuma was quick to interrupt, snatching Johnny up and jumping away from Kanda. The samurai quickly unleashed his Innocence, his Mugen flying to slice the Akuma and hold it pinned to a wall like a throwing spear.

He quickly raced towards the two, leaving Johnny to hunt for his glasses on his own as he quickly removed Mugen from the Akuma's body.

Unfortunately, the blasted thing recognized him, speaking as the samurai looked down at it with icy, emotionless eyes.

It let out a crazed laugh, not unlike a hyena. "Kanda Yuu, is it? It's Kanda Yuu..."

Johnny threw his shaky hands all over the floor, trying to find his glasses in desperation.

"What a stupid fool, to have come back..." The Akuma crowed.

Johnny felt his fingers brush against a familiar material. Quickly, he snatched up the missing glasses and stared up at the event unfolding before him.

"That little bit of life life life you have left..." The Akuma repeated its words like a malfunctioning music player or dying toy. "You should have just spent it in peace..."

Kanda's glare could not get any icier. "The Order has no chance of winning." It spoke, projecting its voice so that it almost was screaming. "Akuma are quickly being born even now." It went on to repeat the word "quickly" over and over again, like a broken record.

The samurai moved just as the Akuma spoke again. "You've chosen Hell, you fool!" It screamed dramatically.

Kanda silently finished off the demon with Mugen, slicing the thing apart with an electric, zigzag pattern.

The samurai rose from his knelt position, a bloody Mugen in his hands.

"Really Kanda..." Johnny began, returning to their earlier conversation. "Why?"

There was a long moment of silence before Kanda replied. Turning his head down to stare at the ground, he spoke. "I was the one who awakened him into Neah..." He quietly confessed.

"You mean what happened at the North American Branch...?" Johnny yelled in surprise and something close to panic. "But that was the Earl using Akuma to make you..." He trailed off, not seeing any reason to breech the sensitive topic. "It wasn't your fault!" He plowed on.

This didn't seem to affect Kanda's mood. In fact, it seemed to worsen it as he let his head hang down a bit farther.

"I didn't care what happened to the Order..."

Johnny listened closely as Kanda began to explain.

"So during the mission in Paris..." It sounded as though the words were escaping his mouth in a sigh. "When I caught a glimpse of that guy's Noah transformation, I ignored it." He admitted.

He spoke slowly, as though the words were difficult to push out of his heart and mouth. "Without even reporting it to Komui..." Johnny straightened up a bit, taking a small step forward. "I just let it be." His companion still kept his back to him.

"Because I hated the Order even more than the Noah and the Akuma."

Kanda turned his head a bit to glance back at Johnny, his chin still tucked into his chest as he smiled bitterly, watching his travelling partner from the corner of his soft eyes.

At this gaze, Johnny wound up, as though he couldn't take much more. The emotions washed over him, and Kanda could've sworn that the scientist would begin crying.

The samurai turned his body to face him from the side, the ponytail behind his head gently swaying with the breeze. It surrounded his head like a wispy halo, and his bangs fluttered gently as Kanda moved.

He opened his mouth to speak again, his bitter sweet smile never leaving his face. "But now..." A breeze swept by, and the smoke that usually marked the destruction of an Akuma swirled around. There was debris too; mostly pieces of paper fluttering by, seeming exactly like colorless sakura petals. It suited the image of the bitter, Japanese samurai.

Kanda never let that smile leave his face.

"This regret simply won't let me die peacefully."

The scientist stood in shock as Kanda passed him, picking up his own travel bag. "...Let's go." he said after a moment. "This smoke is poisonous."

Johnny stood for a moment longer, feeling emotions swell up in his chest.

_I was about to say sorry... _He thought, his face heating up in something of a blush.

_...And then I stopped myself. _Kanda was already going up the stone steps that led back to the main roads.

_Thank you._

Johnny turned to stare up at Kanda's retreating form with a firm expression, not unlike determination. _Thank you._

Finally, the scientist broke. The emotions swelling up in his chest very easily led to leaking tears and a runny nose. He wound up his body and screwed his eyes shut. "Thank..." He began in a strained and choked voice.

_Kanda came back for Allen's sake._

* * *

Johnny lay asleep in the hotel room he had that was connected to Kanda's through a door in the wall. The samurai sat against the wall his bed was pushed up against, eyes half lidded as memories clouded his mind.

_Rough, roaming hands..._

_ A poker face type smile..._

_ Tinkling laughter..._

Kanda stopped himself before his memories could lead him to an embarrassing situation.

Bean Sprout was an idiot. Kanda hated his guts for all he was worth. But that same idiot was suffering right now because of him, and that same idiot had given Alma his last moments in peace, knowing that he'd end up in huge trouble for it.

So that idiot had better watch himself, because he was coming to give him a piece of his mind.

At least... that was one aspect to his complex, over lapping feelings.

_Hold on, Bean Sprout. _He thought as he stretched out over the bed, finally deciding to let him mind rest. _Hold on._

* * *

**End Chapter: Till I Find You**

* * *

**Hehe, thanks for sticking with me for this! Do you think it was a good chapter? Please leave a review with your thoughts on this chapter's different writing style. I stole some of the manga's style and incorporated my own for this chapter. ;)**

**~Crescent T.**


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